Observations on this beautiful mess.
So, how did we get here? Let’s start there. The short and clean version is that our lives blew up this year. The kids and I moved to a precious little townhouse and started stacking our life-blocks back up. New motives, routines, places, and things. A clean break to start crafting what we wanted this ReDream to look like. I can tell you that it is a hurt I would not wish on anyone, and the tears have seemed unbearable at times. We are learning that the only way through it is through it. Lots of grace, lots of try-agains, lots of I’m sorry’s.
The kids immediately named our townhouse “The Adventure House,” and while I’ve loved that name from the start, it’s only recently taken on a new meaning for me. We are hitting this season and holidays are new and fresh and brutal. It’s this weird juxtaposition of missing what was, surviving the day, and hoping for the redeeming.
So back to “adventure.” I could be playing fast and loose with this, but it was such an affirming blessing to me. “Advent” means waiting, not passive waiting, but expectant waiting, like you know what is coming is going to be worth it. So “adventure” is “a story we’ve waited on.” A story thats been waiting to be told. A trail to be blazed. A discovery to be made. I am finding, again and again, that what is to be discovered is more sweet than I could have imagined.
If you had asked me at any point in my life if I was up for an adventure, I would have immediately said yes. I love a challenge. I love pushing myself, and making things happen. I love control. I love a plan, but I love having flexibility to stretch the plan. I love seeing the potential and helping it develop into reality. All of these things are fine and good, but here’s the deal. I couldn’t make the adventure happen. I couldn’t manufacture these blessings. I couldn’t work hard enough, behave well enough, say the right thing enough. I had to wait for them. I had to wait. I had to trust. It wasn’t that I didn’t want adventure. It was that it wasn’t time. Not yet. But when the nudge happened, stepping into the adventure and saying yes to a complete shift of my world feels like the most “right” thing I have ever done. The truest. It’s like I’ve yanked the rip cord and am free falling, knowing that my God is literally providing every thing I need. Complete and utter surrender, and redemption like I’ve never known. Lies and shame I have held to my core, and as my core, are being unraveled and his whispers of love are replacing them. It’s not rainbows and sunshine, it’s hard, grueling, rewarding, beautiful work- it’s authentic. And this is just the start. I choose what’s real every single time.
What can your adventure look like? What are you doing with the waiting? I hope that you find that the ReDream is worth every tear.